Website updates and timetravel

So, a client phones me and shits on me for not putting on a link to their online entry forms. He claims it was sent 3 weeks ago, and not implemented.

Reading through the sequence of their emails it's strange that the link was only ready yesterday, at which point they sent it to me, where it was implemented.

So, how the fuck should I have exactly created a link to somewhere 3 weeks ago that didn't exist?

Asshole.

ABSA Bank

So I've been trying to increase my existing bond. The incompetent assclowns at ABSA can find the bond account, can see there's payments being made into the account, but somehow they cannot find the bond number on their own system!

How are they still in business? Oh yeah.... the exorbitant banking fees the assholes charge.

Dear Client,

Your comment that your business cards has a story behind it, does not hold water if the cards was designed in Paint, with your Company name in purple Times New Roman being the only thing on the card.

Email Signatures

So, a client emails me, requesting signatures for their Outlook. I upload the images to the server, and send them the html files. Everyone installs it without any problems whatsoever, except for the MD.

So, after a running through the process on the phone with him, the signature is setup in Outlook. Ten minutes later I receive a email from him saying his emails are still blank.

I connect remotely to his machine, and while he did setup the signature correctly in Outlook, he's actually using Windows Mail.

"Why didn't you tell me you're the only one in the company not using Outlook?"

"I didn't think it was relevant"

**** burns down villages and kicks kittens *****

HTML Newsletters

A client of mine asks me to design a html newsletter for him, based on a pdf. The security on the pdf prevents me from copying out the text, but the images I can grab without a problem. I convey that fact to his Sales Manager. Twice.

So .....after emailing me 12 mB's of images, none of which were actually used in the pdf.... I still don't have the text.

Another day.... another step closer to alcoholism

Sunday afternoon naps

To my dear neighbors. The next time you give you children sugar and allow them to run around and scream like banshees at 1pm on a Sunday afternoon, they will be sold into slavery.

Thank you. That's all.

Chevy and Violent Femmes

So, I'm vegitating infront of the tv, when to my horror a Chevy advert appears with Violent Femmes' Blister in the Sun playing in the background.

Sacrilege!!!!

Whatever coke sniffing marketing executive came up with this idea should spend eternity being dragged behind the car through broken glass in hell.